This ends tonight(?)

Okay. Chugged down a big ass glass of old town white coffee. Off for a quickie shower to refresh my dead brain cells and then English assignments, I'm gonna massacre you tonight!

I sincerely hope so. Amen.

Assignments? 25% done.

Aaaaand it's almost the end of July. Blimey.

I'm destined for doom. Crash and burn. Mental breakdown. And suffering the consequences of procrastinating. Good job Teng, you TOTALLY deserve this.

God gained an angel.

It's been one helluva week for the Paunil family.

Lost one of our own. Frankly, I'm still in denial. I know I have to let her go for her to move on and live with God, but I just......can't. It's all so so sooo sudden that my brain is very much still in shock, it can't accept that harsh truth yet.

Moments when I'm alone are moments that I loathe because then I'd be thinking about her, our memories together. The laughs we shared, the sorrows we endured. My heart, it hurts.

What annoys me the most is the what if's. What if she had found out about the cyst sooner? What if she had gotten surgery at a different hospital? What if they detected the mistake earlier? WHAT IF.... and what could have been. Really. It. Hurts. So. Bad.

Breaks my heart watching her mom, my aunt, cry. Her funeral was...... Ergh. A tear fest to say the least. And her fiancee? He's so lost that at times he'd be crying holding her pictures and then there are moments when he'd smile all by himself. I wish I could show the world how he held and hugged and kissed the cross that was going to be her marking. Her mom, tearfully saying goodbye, letting her go.

Very much a scene from the saddest movie ever. Only this is reality. There's no director to yell CUT and she would suddenly wake up from her coffin saying did I do good acting dead? No. The harsh harsh truth is that she really is gone. Reality sucks.

I wish there was a pill invented that would stop this pain that I know all of us who lost her are feeling. Crying while driving is not good for my concentration.

God, if You read this, please, guide her and take her under Your wings. Allow her the eternal happiness that she so deserves. Make her one of your angels. She's the best candidate I assure you. Help us make amends and let her go peacefully. Let the memories stay but take away the pain. Please.

Sis Epy, where ever you are right now, know that we will love and miss you forever

and always, until we meet again someday. Rest in peace my beloved sister! :(

:(

Frankly, I'm still shocked. But I don't wanna delay doing this post because I don't wanna forget every single word I'm about to type.

Sweet, kind hearted, sometimes cheeky, sometimes shy, yet always friendly Fiona Elisa Fredmond passed away at 7.40pm today. She was 23.

My beloved sister is gone. After about a month fighting for her life at ICU Hospital Likas, her liver gave up on her. I'm in a dazed. Wanna cry. It still feels like a dream to me. I hope it was. I want it to be a dream.

But, God loves her more.

I know someday we will meet again sis, in the mean time, we will miss having you terribly and our love for you will always be strong. It's only been a few hours, but the pain is....... I wonder how aunty and uncle must be feeling right now.

A mother should never be the one to bury her child. It's...heart breaking to let go of someone who was in you for 9 months.

There's so much I wanna say but words just won't come into my mind right now. Rest in peace my dearest sister, until we meet again. We love you Epy!:(