Jakarta

I am the very definition of a master procrastinator.

So me and two of my best buds went on a trip to Jakarta in July. There were so many things that I wanted to document in words because I knew I just had to express it so that someday when I look back, I can still remember the trip.

But sadly, here I am, making a post about that trip in September. Yay me. So yeah, I have forgotten bits and pieces of details that I would've loved to share with the one person who still reads my blog, Me. I love you Me.

Lets see, where to even begin.

It was a trip planned on a whim because suddenly my friends told me that Air Asia was having a promotion and I just went along with it. Who can resist cheap tickets?

So we flew to Jakarta on the 27th of July and arrived at 7pm-ish I think. Frankly, the three of us didn't have a clue what to do after landing. Seriously. We looked for hotels on a borrowed map at the airport and just decided to go with one that we thought was close enough from the airport.

Going to the hotel, was another story.

I can't blame our stupidity on jet lag because, come on, who gets jet lag flying from KK to Jakarta? Anyways, we knew we had to get on a Blue Bird taxi because those were the reliable ones, said the internet. But we were so clueless that the minute a guy grabbed our bags and asked where we were going, we followed him all the way to his so called taxi. Now, I'm no good with currency, but we were charged 300,000 rp for the trip. We later found out that we were duped big time cause normally the highest rate will not be over 100,000 rp. Safe to say, it was an awful start for our trip.

There's so many other things that happened that first night, we were already exhausted. The hotel was not what we expected either. First night, and we wanted to go home. Luckily we changed hotel the next day. So much for an exciting first buddies trip. Anyways, I don't wanna dwell too much on the crappy parts so lets move on to happier things.

What I loved about this trip was, we traveled mostly on foot. So, we got to see how the Indonesians live, for real. Not like the ones you see on sinetrons. We passed by so many stalls, so many houses by train tracks, so many ojeks, tuk tuks and what not. I don't know why but I was fascinated by some of the buildings that I saw. There was a sense of, I dunno, history, backstory to it? I kept taking pictures of buildings.

You know when you're in another country, you're bound to feel culture shock? Yea, but I was not shocked by the culture. Instead, I was horrified by the traffic. The traffic in Jakarta is no joke man. Trust me. For someone who's used to organized driving on the road, watching the drivers in Jakarta drive like they owned the road, terrified me. Literally. We were so scared to even cross the road. Don't believe me? Google it.

In terms of language, we had no problem since we spoke Malay and its quite similar to the Indonesian language. But still, there was a difference in slangs and intonation. So, I was surprised that I was actually able to converse in Indonesian quite comfortably. I guess all those years of being forced into watching sinetrons with mumy paid off eventually. And I actually enjoyed it. Felt good to try and speak a different way for a few days.

I suppose there's a lot more that I wanted to say, back when I just came back from the trip, but weeks has passed by due to my super power in procrastinating, so now I've lost the will. I'm just gonna let the pictures speak. Hey, pictures speak a thousand words, and I'm really not in the mood to type that many words, so lets just let the pictures do the talking. Oh and on the next trip, Philippines my buds says, we definitely have to plan in advanced. Especially since we don't speak Tagalog.

Rusty.

So, last post was in February. In case you don't have a calendar, it's already August.

Lazy ass girl. Me.

Or, should I say, uninspired and unmotivated lazy ass girl.

Finished my internship a couple months ago. And I've been home ever since trying to figure out my next move. So far, I haven't moved an inch. I should be sending out resumes, but I'm not. I keep looking for excuses. But at the same time, I think I'm about to go cray cray being stuck at home.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaissssssh. I think, I lack direction. At this point in life, I'm starting to think that I may not have a dream, or an ambition that I want to achieve. I should. I will. I just need to start by breaking out of my current routine, which involves waking up, doing chores, eat, shower and sleep. Oh and watching tv all day long while browsing the net. And I stopped working out.

Somehow, living alone back in the city, I was able to control myself more. Here at home, I'm as good as a pig. I've let myself go. Boo!

Well, here's to hoping I will find the will to get my butt of the couch and start doing something for my future. At least.

A year of uncertainties.

Close eyes. Open eyes. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it's 2013.

Time FLIES. Like so fast, you blink and you miss it.

I still remember 2010 like it was 3 years ago. That year, a LOT of things happened to me. Past is past. What matters is the moment I'm living right now. Next week will be the start of my internship. Slowly trying to curb my nervousness but I'll survive I think. I made it! This is the final lap Teng. Huff and puff.

For the first half of 2013, I'm going to be having my internship. And then after that, NO IDEA what to move on to. Well, might as well stick to my philosophy in life, live one day at a time. No plans.

So, for the second half of 2013, I'm listing travelling and enjoying the moments on my list of things to do. Mum and Dad gonna have to FUND my lifestyle for a bit longer I think. :)

I'm so sorry.

Been wanting to do a post on this since last week, but wanted to take some time off to cool down. Don't wanna be too emotional with my post and then have to take it down later.

I'm probably the resident driver at home and usually the one driving around running errands. At times, especially when I'm still groggy being woken up after a nap, I tend to drive, uhm, emotionally? I suppose.

So, as the story goes, I was a few minutes into my nap, obviously tired as fuck. Then my mum came in and woke me up to send our helpers home. Busy week due to family event. For some reason, at that moment, I really felt I needed to say no to my mum's request. Told her, tiada orang lain ka yang buli ganti sa? Of course, her being my mum, I got ceramah free instead.

I got up, took the keys, eyes half opened, heart flaring with anger and started the engine. I was using my dad's car btw, which is a double cab.

To make matters worse for me (emotionally), mum made this guy follow me. So, I said some bad things. You know, things that usually jinx you back. I think he could sense that I was really uncomfortable and at the same time pissed off, so he just kept quiet.

I tend to drive unnecessarily fast when I'm mad, and this time was no exception, even thou I knew there were 3 people standing behind, on the truck.

Arrived at my kampung's intersection that led to the main road, and took a VERY sharp turn to the right. If you studied physics, you know that the laws of whateverblablabla...I flunked physics. Basically in my case, the 3 people standing in the back, was THROWN OUT onto the jalan raya. Partly due to my reckless driving and also the railings that they were holding on to, tercabut.

Took a U-turn, and OH MY GOD, nothing could express how I felt at that very moment. All I could think of was, did I kill someone? I am so fucked.

Parked the car, turned off the engine, got out of the car, walked towards them and the people that were already surrounding them, basically said sorry every chance I got. Everything seems woozy, I don't really remember much. I knew I was panicking. Then, ironically, the guy that I was so uncomfortable with, took over the whole situation. Thank God he was there. He took the keys from me, I got into the car, said sorry a couple more times, cried while doing so and called home.

We went to the hospital, and Thank God all their injuries were superficial ones. Not that it makes everything better. They would've never gotten those injuries had I been more careful with my driving. Fuck. I still tremble when I get flashbacks.

Everyone kept telling me it wasn't my fault. I knew it was. And I'm so freaking sorry. Still am, will probably be forever. So dear God, lesson learned. Never drive recklessly when you're angry or sad, or basically just emotional. Never.

I still get nightmares and at times when I'm alone, I get flashbacks and I feel so traumatized. Hopefully, that was the first and last experience I'd have.

Oh and the next day after that incident, another accident happened at the same location, but this time, it was much much worse and someone died. End of the year, musim tutup akaun.

Bucket List Number 2: Checked and Done!

Wohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I'm a bit late in posting this but better late than never is what I usually say when I procrastinate. keke

Had a hectic few weeks so didn't really have time to blog this but pheww. Boy have I had a busy time. Lemme just say this in advance, I will not be commenting on the hoolapalooza that happened at KKIA that caused our flights to be cancelled twice. Damn you maintenance man. Okay done.

On to the main event! FINALLY was able to go and watch Big Bang's live concert after hearing about rumors since 2010. Thank you oppa's for coming to town! Even thou I had to beg and cry, I knew I jusy had to go! No matter what. 

The concert was A.W.E.S.O.M.E. It was my first live concert so I didn't really know what to expect but hell I knew I had a great time. Some were busy documenting the whole concert with their iphones,ipads and tabs  but me? I came a loooong long way to enjoy and fully experience the concert. So for sure I wasn't going to waste my time holding up gadgets in the air hoping for a clear shot. All I knew to do was sing along to the songs and dance. Yes, we danced our hearts out! Longest workout I have ever had in my whole life.

Big Bang. What can I say. It was love at first sight when I was 15. Years later, I'm 21 and I still love them to bits. Watching and listening to them in person, they were perfect performers. They sang live and danced the whole 3 hours! I knew I had good taste in men. Ahemm I meant in boy bands. 

Safe to say, next time they're coming to town (THEY BETTER COME AGAIN!) I'll gladly buy the most expensive ticket. The guys at the front had the most fun, I think the price was worth it. Next time Teng, next time.

Oh and thank you Cissy and Mona! The trip would've never been as much fun as it was if weren't for you guys. And dem deliciously good looking Korean boys. Nyumss.

My forever bias in BigBang, T.O.P! even his side profile is

nyummmmeh. eh I meant H.O.T.

Updates on my bucket list.

So way back in 2010, made a list of things to do. I did MUET, which I'm so proud of. And also, I had on that list, to attend a live concert by BigBang. Pretty soon I'll be able to cross that off my list! Concert tickets have safely arrived via courier and my Uh-Mayzing Parents have bought my plane tickets. SOBS. I have the most amazing parents.EVER.

I know I know. Some say, apa laa gila KPOP. Please. I'm only this crazy for BigBang cause they were the first Korean band I laid my eyes on. This was when I was 15 years old. I'm loyal that way. I don't go all crazy eyes over other KPop bands. Visually they are most appealing, but music wise, I getting tired of listening to the same generic sounds. But not BigBang. Me lurf BigBang much much.

Safe to say, teenager me is so damn jealous of 21 year old me right now. Muehehe.

Beware, for I am going to be emotional in this post.

Cannot.Contain.Emotions.Much.Longer.

Family is really important for me. I mean, they're everything for me. I'm nothing without my family. Extended family, on the other hand, some we're better off without. But blood is blood. Can't change your relations.

Shit happens, and arguments often lead to people not talking to each other even though they live right next to each other. Which is fine by me, but still kinda hurts, even a teensy tiny bit. Still breaks my heart.

They say time heals all wounds. I've seen it happen time and time again. No pun intended cause this is a mighty serious post I'm making. Ahem. This wound? Maybe it'll heal, but it may take a very, very, very long time. I just hope some of us survives through this.

But, more than anything, I hope my parents will not be left wounded.

Oh no Jose.(the title got nothing to do with this post)

Time to clean off the dust covering this beloved blog of mine. So, a lot has happened in my life between the last post and this. Not that my life has a huge impact on the world. Never has, never will?

But anyways, I'm still gonna blog about whateverrr I want to. Comprende?

So, finally in my LAST semester. OHGODNO, did I just jinx that by saying(typing) it out loud? Please I hope not. NO more complications please. I just wanna graduate from this place quietly and get on with my life somewhere else.

Exam results just came out. I did fine, but what broke my heart was that I got B- for an English subject. Oh I could just see my pointers literally going down the drain. That's what you get for not studying the subject that you thought was going to be a walk in the park. Deserved that B- I guess.

Presently, I have this feeling of anxiousness and nervousness that I cannot explain myself. And I don't like it one bit. Maybe I'm just scared that I might not be able to score tickets for the premiere of Resident Evil Retribution tomorrow? Or is it because I don't wanna wake up early for class tomorrow?

Or am I feeling this way because a certain guy asked me to try something but ditched me without me knowing what I did wrong? He said let's try, so I'm trying, but he went MIA. Awesome guy. Maybe I should just stick with my Facebook crush guy whom I'm never going to meet in person. Practically a stranger to me except for the fact that we have 3 mutual friends. Well actually I'm in love with his tattoo. The fact that he's kinda cute doesn't hurt either. Dating my imaginary boyfriend it is then.

ANYWAYS, crazy talk aside, its September. The year is almost over and I'm closer to that vacation I've been counting down for since April. Oh Korea, thou shalt wait for thy to come, won't you?

Which reminds me. I had a list of things to do before I die thingy, and one of them was to go to a Big Bang concert at least once. Come this October, I get to cross that off my list! Cannot wait and plus maybe I'd get to meet my KL friends who I miss terribly. Fingers crossed!

Arghhhhhh. Something is still not right. My chest still feels stuffy. What is it?! Danggit maybe I should change my mantra from living life one day at a time to YOLO. Fuck it, I'm going YOLO. Adios amigos!

This ends tonight(?)

Okay. Chugged down a big ass glass of old town white coffee. Off for a quickie shower to refresh my dead brain cells and then English assignments, I'm gonna massacre you tonight!

I sincerely hope so. Amen.

Assignments? 25% done.

Aaaaand it's almost the end of July. Blimey.

I'm destined for doom. Crash and burn. Mental breakdown. And suffering the consequences of procrastinating. Good job Teng, you TOTALLY deserve this.

God gained an angel.

It's been one helluva week for the Paunil family.

Lost one of our own. Frankly, I'm still in denial. I know I have to let her go for her to move on and live with God, but I just......can't. It's all so so sooo sudden that my brain is very much still in shock, it can't accept that harsh truth yet.

Moments when I'm alone are moments that I loathe because then I'd be thinking about her, our memories together. The laughs we shared, the sorrows we endured. My heart, it hurts.

What annoys me the most is the what if's. What if she had found out about the cyst sooner? What if she had gotten surgery at a different hospital? What if they detected the mistake earlier? WHAT IF.... and what could have been. Really. It. Hurts. So. Bad.

Breaks my heart watching her mom, my aunt, cry. Her funeral was...... Ergh. A tear fest to say the least. And her fiancee? He's so lost that at times he'd be crying holding her pictures and then there are moments when he'd smile all by himself. I wish I could show the world how he held and hugged and kissed the cross that was going to be her marking. Her mom, tearfully saying goodbye, letting her go.

Very much a scene from the saddest movie ever. Only this is reality. There's no director to yell CUT and she would suddenly wake up from her coffin saying did I do good acting dead? No. The harsh harsh truth is that she really is gone. Reality sucks.

I wish there was a pill invented that would stop this pain that I know all of us who lost her are feeling. Crying while driving is not good for my concentration.

God, if You read this, please, guide her and take her under Your wings. Allow her the eternal happiness that she so deserves. Make her one of your angels. She's the best candidate I assure you. Help us make amends and let her go peacefully. Let the memories stay but take away the pain. Please.

Sis Epy, where ever you are right now, know that we will love and miss you forever

and always, until we meet again someday. Rest in peace my beloved sister! :(

:(

Frankly, I'm still shocked. But I don't wanna delay doing this post because I don't wanna forget every single word I'm about to type.

Sweet, kind hearted, sometimes cheeky, sometimes shy, yet always friendly Fiona Elisa Fredmond passed away at 7.40pm today. She was 23.

My beloved sister is gone. After about a month fighting for her life at ICU Hospital Likas, her liver gave up on her. I'm in a dazed. Wanna cry. It still feels like a dream to me. I hope it was. I want it to be a dream.

But, God loves her more.

I know someday we will meet again sis, in the mean time, we will miss having you terribly and our love for you will always be strong. It's only been a few hours, but the pain is....... I wonder how aunty and uncle must be feeling right now.

A mother should never be the one to bury her child. It's...heart breaking to let go of someone who was in you for 9 months.

There's so much I wanna say but words just won't come into my mind right now. Rest in peace my dearest sister, until we meet again. We love you Epy!:(

This one for her.

Been feeling really emotional this past few weeks. Many knows about my dear cousin Fiona getting surgery to remove a cyst from her ovary 2 weeks ago. But what's shocking is the state that she is in now.

It was suppose to be a very straightforward surgery. She wasn't suppose to end up semi-unconscious in the ICU. Breaks my heart to see the state that she is in right now. My pretty and petite sister, swollen all over and unable to move, more over eat. She hasn't eaten solid food in 2 weeks! *tears*

The doctors say it's not looking too bright. Her liver, her kidney and her intestines are all badly affected. But we refuse to stop believing in miracles, in God. She will come back, she will. No matter how long it takes, she will recover and resume her life.

She just got engaged a month ago! This was suppose to be the happiest moments of her life. And her poor fiance. Quitting his job to take care of her. What a test to face so early in the beginning of their engagement.

Please guys, pray for her recovery. She's too young. And it's really heart breaking to see someone seemingly healthy, suddenly being in a state like she is in right now. We love you Epy! God, bless her with all your love, let her overcome this. Please. *tears*

She's the one in green, Fiona Elisa Fredmond. Sooo pretty kan? *sobs*

But she looks like a completely different person now. Come back to us!

Simplicity at it's best!

So, I turned 21 today. Meh. Nothing special.

Although, I have to admit, when I had my 16th birthday, I swore I would have the awesomest 21st birthday party everrrrrrrrrrr!

But alas, time changed me and I no longer want a huge party with a Las Vegas theme.

Instead, it was probably the simplest birthday I have ever had. Just went to Keningau to have some pizza with the fams, bought my own cake, went home, had my grannies and gramp over, sang some birthday song and voila, sliced the cake and I was done with my birthday.

21 doesn't feel so special after all. If anything, age only comes with more pressure and the fear of not being able to make it in this world. The urge to quickly succeed in life, knowing that eventually I will learn to hate my work and wish that I had no work at all. Blergh. I'll face those messy situation someday.

For now, I'm enjoying life one day at a time.

Trying to make a very hard decision. What to eat?

Thanks cake. You were delicious!

June 17th 2012

So, today was one of those "hari ini dalam sejarah" moments for my hometown, Tambunan. Our current Prime Minister, Dato' Sri Haji Mohammad Najib bin Tun Haji Abdul Razak had a formal visit. Oh and he brought his wife and the gang.

The first Prime Minister to ever reach the Pedalaman area. So, despite all the shenanigans about his imperfectness as our leader, that has got to count for something, right?

I admit, the government we have now is FAR from perfect. Then again, which country has the perfect government? You tell me. I don't know.

But, what I do know is that, Malaysia is not a war torn, disease plagued country. And I am grateful and thankful for that. Our lives here is really much much much better than many other countries. So, why can't we just be thankful? Instead, some want more. MORE MORE.

Yes, some things could be better if it were reviewed and revised, but there are ways to let the government know that. Civil and educated ways.

I'm saying all these because today, instead of being happy that a leader was willing enough to leave the comforts of the city to be with us, even just for a few hours, some were content spewing words of hate and criticism. And I was embarrassed for them. Speaking with you butt hole is never cool. And never smart. Nobody is perfect. If you think you can lead a better Malaysia, go ahead, step forward and be the change that you wanna see. No one is stopping you.

Oh ya, and remember, nobody is perfect. We humans were built that way.

Count your blessings, before they run out.

Oh Crap.

Great. Think I stepped on dog poop when I started this week.

First week of the semester ain't goin so well. Bombarded with assignments and haven't begun any of em.

It's a hectic week. With baby Hazel Violet being born and all. I'm in aunty mode, not student mode, so it's a bit hard concentrating on college stuff right now.

Oh and a relative passed away. So many things happened this week, my mind is woozy. Even forgot to submit our folklore title to our English lecturer. Which was suppose to be today.

Doomed. Starting off with the wrong foot I tell you! And haven't even begun with my project!

New semester, new headaches.

Yeah so, first week of the new semester.

I have four subjects this semester, and one of em, Final Project, surely will blow my brains out. I foresee the dark ahead, with this one.

We have to choose one out of three concepts of PR management.

A)Help a company build up its reputation and identity.

B)Help revive a declining product.

C)Help solve a problem faced by the community.

C was a sure thing option for me. But after thinking for a few moment, now it seems like I'm going with A. Graah. I dunno really. All seems really hard.

I mean, its not some minor project that will be done for the college. Its for a third party! An official company. We have until 3rd of August to complete this project. I don't know HOW ON EARTH I will be able to pull this off.

God be with me!:(

Break my heart why don't you?

Here's a story.

Last Tuesday, me and lil sis Shany went to KK to show off the Beverly Hills apt that we're selling to a potential renter. It was a fruitless trip as the potential renter didn't have much potential after all. But that's not the story.

After that so called business transaction, we went to Megalong for some retail therapy. Mind you, my wallet was on the brink of emptiness. So, I vowed (snerk) to be extra careful with my spending. So for a while all I did was look around while my sis did all the shopping. (Annoying sister with a job and paychecks every month. grah)

As the story goes, we went into a small boutique. At first I was just going to look around, see all the pwetty bags I couldn't afford. Then, one of my biggest weakness appeared in front of me.

The shop was run by an elderly couple.

Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

The uncle was so so soooo excited when we entered. Even more so after I grab one of the bags on display. Lucky me it was on discount. Watching his hopeful expressions, I couldn't help but reach for my wallet.

And, his expression when I said I was going to buy the bag, was PRICELESS. Nearly killed me then and there. My sister noticed it too. Maybe due to our up bringing, we're all softies when it comes to the elderlies. He said thank you thank you and we left. Both shaken with, not sympathy, just.....pure sadness. To see that much enthusiasm over a RM28 bag, I was overwhelmed with emotions.

So much so that I urged lil sis to go back to the shop and buy something. A dress maybe. Haha. And she did. The uncle was shocked but he looked grateful, which was like another hammer hit to our hearts.

Back home, we didn't tell mum and dad. We'd be grilled to death. Spending money like we had our own bank. Maybe it's just a business stunt. Done to attract sympathy from buyers. But I don't care. I won' care. If it is that way, genius. Cause it worked on us.

I hope we at least helped that elderly couple a little. I really hope they get to enjoy the last years of their lives comfortably, not breaking their backs looking after a shop. That's what I would want for my grandparents.

Thankfully, it is what they are currently doing.

Anytime now!

So, my sister's water just broke. She's expected to give birth at dawn. Anytime now, and my niece will arrive! Gaaaaaaaaaah.

Words cannot describe how nervous and excited I am at the moment. FINALLY! With my holiday almost over, I was starting to worry that I might not be able to meet her before going back to the city.

Right now, I'm in the midst of making chicken soup for the mum-to-be. Again may I say GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Double Six Tragedy

I am mentally slapping, kicking and bitching my self. For being an ignorant brat.

I've been alive for two decades and TODAY only I learn about this extremely important part of Sabah's history? Great job Teng. Been feeding off your state, not knowing its history. You should be proud. *clap clap*

So, for those of you who's in the same boat as me (a moment of silence for our ignorance), just finding out about this fact, on the 6th of June 1976, hence the name Double Six (still don't get it? June 6th is 06.06., so now you get it?) a plane coming in from Labuan, carrying then CM, Tun Fuad Stephens, Datuk Salleh Sulong, Datuk Peter Mojuntin, Chong Thien Vun, and Darius Binion, crashed in the sub-district of Sembulan in Kota Kinabalu.

Others who perished were Datuk Wahid Peter Andau, Dr. Syed Hussein Wafa, Isak Atan, Corporal Said Mohammad, Captain Gandhi Nathan and Tun Fuad's eldest son, Johari Stephens.

The cause of the crash is still a mystery, but I don't really wanna dwell too much on creepy government secrets that I'm better off not knowing. What I'm really sad for is, apart from my ignorance, the fact that the deaths of those leaders affected Sabah's history in more ways than one. What could have happened to us if Tun Fuad still lived until today? But that question, sadly, will remain unanswered. We can only imagine.

So, in memory of the lost souls, the 36th anniversary of the tragedy, and the confirmation of my absolutely incompetent egoistic self, I dedicate this humble post to the Double Six Tragedy.

Rest in Peace beautiful souls. The reason I am living in a peaceful Sabah today.