My mantra gonna be the death of me.

I figured out whats wrong with me. NOTHING.

It's because I have been doing nothing that's going to provide me with a secure future. I know I'm still studying but after hearing the fact that I might finish my studies as early as the end of this year and not the middle of next year as I expected, I got a heavy dose of reality.

Especially after uncle asked me "apa la ko mau buat lepas abis blaja?". I didn't know what to reply with so I said "kawin laa."

Mum's been pestering me with her MLM ventures, Dad's asking about where I wanna do my internship. Uncle's and aunties keep asking when I'll be done. Grandparents waiting for me to bring back some boy that I might wanna marry. ARGH! First world problems.

But seriously, since my mantra is to live life one day at a time, I hadn't really given much thought for what lies ahead in my future. I really have not. *cue tubs of ice cream and thinking hats.

To make matters worse, I'm a master at procrastinating and daydreaming. A +++. Sigh. I really wanna make my parents proud and prove some haters wrong. But to do so, I gotta drag my lazy ass across the room, and into the bathroom for some heavy pondering, while standing under the shower.

Lost puppy.

Assignments are done and done. All that's left to do is finals. Then, why do I feel like something is amiss? Like I somehow overlooked something.... I'm having mood swings that I myself don't understand. When I go to college its like I'm a walking zombie. I go, but I don't understand the purpose. I open up my Facebook and get annoyed at random posts. I don't get it.

What do you want teng? Maybe I'll just blame it on hormones.

In the mood for some self promoting.

I dunno why but I can't seem to take a normal picture anymore. It would always be pictures with me looking like a troll. I"M CURSED! So, no matter how much I deny it, silently, I actually adore the pictures taken of me when I joined UN. HEHE. I mean, who doesn't like to dress up and become a princess every once in a while?

I know its so not in my nature to dress up and wear 12 inch make up, which is why so many were shocked when they heard that I was joining UN. Even more shocked when they saw the pictures. MUAHAHA. 

But yeah, I myself never imagined this situation. Mumy wants me to try again next year. I dunno. I dun wanna. But I kinda wanna try again. But naaaa. Better not. BUT, maybe if mumy gives me an offer I can't deny...like say, Tokyo? Or the Philippines. Or Sydney. Watever. I won't join. Maybe I will, maybe I will not. Who knows!

Anyways, next year can come now. I wanna go to KOREA so bad.

It's like I'm looking at a stranger.

My dady was super bummed about the results, aww!

And the journey ends here..?

So, last night was UN competition for mukim Lintuhun. As expected, my mulut memang masin! LOL

I kept saying, Numbur 6 pun cukup la, aaaaaand I got 5th place out of 12 contestants. Meh~ Good enough for meh. :) Yang penting, Bulan 6 buat passport! Muahaha

So, it was an amazing and tiring experience. At least now I can say, as a Dusun girl, I joined UN at least once in my whole life. But mum kept insisting I join again next year. We'll see bout that. Perhaps this time you should offer me a trip to Tokyo mum? hehe

But yeah, before this, I was cynical about girls that join this type of competition, but after walking in their shoes, eh make that high heels, (mine was super high!), I now know how much courage it takes to even walk on the stage, apa lagi introducing yourself in Dusun, my mother tongue, that sadly, I don't really master. 

I'm really okay with the results, cause winning was never my intention when I reluctantly agreed to join. Korea was. hehe. But word on the street is that many were expecting me to win. Even my dad was very unhappy with the judges decision. He was all saya ada pengalaman 16 taun dalam ni bidang, buta ka tu pengadil?!! haha LOL la dad. And of course, he said that in public. Embarrassing much dad? 

I'm flattered that people would even consider me as a winner. I'm really grateful. I'd rather be the people's choice than the judge's. Aaaaand my self-promoting ends here. Can't help it that I'm a narcissist. heh

All in all, joining UN was maybe a good decision. I got to challenge myself, and it was a good experience that I think boosted my confidence. In other words, I am now able to accept the fact that I am BEAUTIFUL, no matter what people say. Miahaha I love Christina Aguilera!

Korea?Yes please.

Ahem. How should I say this? This Sunday, I'll be competing in Unduk Ngadau peringkat Mukim Lintuhun.

Shocking, I know.

Those who know me personally would never have imagined this scenario. Never. Neither have I, but in this case, it was an action that I HAD to make. Even though I once swore that I would never ever ever take part in a beauty pageant, this time is an exception.

You see, mom made a bet with me and my sister, Shany.(she's competing in Sugandoi btw) She said, if we joined the competition, we shall be rewarded. Win OR Loose. The reward?

A 4 days and 3 nights trip to South Korea.

OH HELL YEAH MUMSY! Of course we would jump into the offer immediately, DUH! Gaaaaaaaaaaah I'll be visiting the land of idols and kimchi next year, March!

CANNOT WAIT!!

But first, of course I have to finish the competition. I don't really care about winning, cause I'd still end up with an AWESOME reward either way. Gaaah March come quick!

The Bucket List

So, there's this little baby girl, Avery. She passed away recently. She was barely 5 months old. Her parents started a blog on her behalf, and it was narrated from Avery's point of view. You should check it out. It's so heart breaking, I cried when I read it. And I cried even more the morning I read on Yahoo that she has passed.

Her parents, they knew her time on earth was ticking but they never gave up hope, and continued living life to the fullest for Avery. An inspiring act of love.

Her bucket list, inspired me deeply. I may not have all the time in the world, because no one can predict the future. Even the Mayans. So, I am going to live life to the fullest, not hesitate to have fun and do everything at least once. Which is why I decided,... Nah. I'll tell that on a different post.

This one's for Avery. Be happy in heaven baby girl. I wished I had met you in person before you went. Your parents are the luckiest people on earth to have had you in their lives, even just for a short while.

Dye Disaster!

Okay. Remember all those rants about me wanting to dye my hair blonde? Yah, those.

My hair is no where near blonde. It is a disaster. Some parts have color, some are still black. And I dyed twice. Different shades of color. With help from my 16 year old sister. Not from a professional hair dresser. The way I should have done. I might just have to shave it all off. I'm seriously considering that option.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Damn it. On top of that, we have a nagging nagster in da hause. We're immune to it but sometimes it gets a bit frustrating as we try and struggle to control our patience.

Oh Lord, why everything not going according to plan? You better not mess with my plans to watch The Avengers tomorrow. Please?