Oh no Jose.(the title got nothing to do with this post)

Time to clean off the dust covering this beloved blog of mine. So, a lot has happened in my life between the last post and this. Not that my life has a huge impact on the world. Never has, never will?

But anyways, I'm still gonna blog about whateverrr I want to. Comprende?

So, finally in my LAST semester. OHGODNO, did I just jinx that by saying(typing) it out loud? Please I hope not. NO more complications please. I just wanna graduate from this place quietly and get on with my life somewhere else.

Exam results just came out. I did fine, but what broke my heart was that I got B- for an English subject. Oh I could just see my pointers literally going down the drain. That's what you get for not studying the subject that you thought was going to be a walk in the park. Deserved that B- I guess.

Presently, I have this feeling of anxiousness and nervousness that I cannot explain myself. And I don't like it one bit. Maybe I'm just scared that I might not be able to score tickets for the premiere of Resident Evil Retribution tomorrow? Or is it because I don't wanna wake up early for class tomorrow?

Or am I feeling this way because a certain guy asked me to try something but ditched me without me knowing what I did wrong? He said let's try, so I'm trying, but he went MIA. Awesome guy. Maybe I should just stick with my Facebook crush guy whom I'm never going to meet in person. Practically a stranger to me except for the fact that we have 3 mutual friends. Well actually I'm in love with his tattoo. The fact that he's kinda cute doesn't hurt either. Dating my imaginary boyfriend it is then.

ANYWAYS, crazy talk aside, its September. The year is almost over and I'm closer to that vacation I've been counting down for since April. Oh Korea, thou shalt wait for thy to come, won't you?

Which reminds me. I had a list of things to do before I die thingy, and one of them was to go to a Big Bang concert at least once. Come this October, I get to cross that off my list! Cannot wait and plus maybe I'd get to meet my KL friends who I miss terribly. Fingers crossed!

Arghhhhhh. Something is still not right. My chest still feels stuffy. What is it?! Danggit maybe I should change my mantra from living life one day at a time to YOLO. Fuck it, I'm going YOLO. Adios amigos!

This ends tonight(?)

Okay. Chugged down a big ass glass of old town white coffee. Off for a quickie shower to refresh my dead brain cells and then English assignments, I'm gonna massacre you tonight!

I sincerely hope so. Amen.

Assignments? 25% done.

Aaaaand it's almost the end of July. Blimey.

I'm destined for doom. Crash and burn. Mental breakdown. And suffering the consequences of procrastinating. Good job Teng, you TOTALLY deserve this.

God gained an angel.

It's been one helluva week for the Paunil family.

Lost one of our own. Frankly, I'm still in denial. I know I have to let her go for her to move on and live with God, but I just......can't. It's all so so sooo sudden that my brain is very much still in shock, it can't accept that harsh truth yet.

Moments when I'm alone are moments that I loathe because then I'd be thinking about her, our memories together. The laughs we shared, the sorrows we endured. My heart, it hurts.

What annoys me the most is the what if's. What if she had found out about the cyst sooner? What if she had gotten surgery at a different hospital? What if they detected the mistake earlier? WHAT IF.... and what could have been. Really. It. Hurts. So. Bad.

Breaks my heart watching her mom, my aunt, cry. Her funeral was...... Ergh. A tear fest to say the least. And her fiancee? He's so lost that at times he'd be crying holding her pictures and then there are moments when he'd smile all by himself. I wish I could show the world how he held and hugged and kissed the cross that was going to be her marking. Her mom, tearfully saying goodbye, letting her go.

Very much a scene from the saddest movie ever. Only this is reality. There's no director to yell CUT and she would suddenly wake up from her coffin saying did I do good acting dead? No. The harsh harsh truth is that she really is gone. Reality sucks.

I wish there was a pill invented that would stop this pain that I know all of us who lost her are feeling. Crying while driving is not good for my concentration.

God, if You read this, please, guide her and take her under Your wings. Allow her the eternal happiness that she so deserves. Make her one of your angels. She's the best candidate I assure you. Help us make amends and let her go peacefully. Let the memories stay but take away the pain. Please.

Sis Epy, where ever you are right now, know that we will love and miss you forever

and always, until we meet again someday. Rest in peace my beloved sister! :(

:(

Frankly, I'm still shocked. But I don't wanna delay doing this post because I don't wanna forget every single word I'm about to type.

Sweet, kind hearted, sometimes cheeky, sometimes shy, yet always friendly Fiona Elisa Fredmond passed away at 7.40pm today. She was 23.

My beloved sister is gone. After about a month fighting for her life at ICU Hospital Likas, her liver gave up on her. I'm in a dazed. Wanna cry. It still feels like a dream to me. I hope it was. I want it to be a dream.

But, God loves her more.

I know someday we will meet again sis, in the mean time, we will miss having you terribly and our love for you will always be strong. It's only been a few hours, but the pain is....... I wonder how aunty and uncle must be feeling right now.

A mother should never be the one to bury her child. It's...heart breaking to let go of someone who was in you for 9 months.

There's so much I wanna say but words just won't come into my mind right now. Rest in peace my dearest sister, until we meet again. We love you Epy!:(

This one for her.

Been feeling really emotional this past few weeks. Many knows about my dear cousin Fiona getting surgery to remove a cyst from her ovary 2 weeks ago. But what's shocking is the state that she is in now.

It was suppose to be a very straightforward surgery. She wasn't suppose to end up semi-unconscious in the ICU. Breaks my heart to see the state that she is in right now. My pretty and petite sister, swollen all over and unable to move, more over eat. She hasn't eaten solid food in 2 weeks! *tears*

The doctors say it's not looking too bright. Her liver, her kidney and her intestines are all badly affected. But we refuse to stop believing in miracles, in God. She will come back, she will. No matter how long it takes, she will recover and resume her life.

She just got engaged a month ago! This was suppose to be the happiest moments of her life. And her poor fiance. Quitting his job to take care of her. What a test to face so early in the beginning of their engagement.

Please guys, pray for her recovery. She's too young. And it's really heart breaking to see someone seemingly healthy, suddenly being in a state like she is in right now. We love you Epy! God, bless her with all your love, let her overcome this. Please. *tears*

She's the one in green, Fiona Elisa Fredmond. Sooo pretty kan? *sobs*

But she looks like a completely different person now. Come back to us!

Simplicity at it's best!

So, I turned 21 today. Meh. Nothing special.

Although, I have to admit, when I had my 16th birthday, I swore I would have the awesomest 21st birthday party everrrrrrrrrrr!

But alas, time changed me and I no longer want a huge party with a Las Vegas theme.

Instead, it was probably the simplest birthday I have ever had. Just went to Keningau to have some pizza with the fams, bought my own cake, went home, had my grannies and gramp over, sang some birthday song and voila, sliced the cake and I was done with my birthday.

21 doesn't feel so special after all. If anything, age only comes with more pressure and the fear of not being able to make it in this world. The urge to quickly succeed in life, knowing that eventually I will learn to hate my work and wish that I had no work at all. Blergh. I'll face those messy situation someday.

For now, I'm enjoying life one day at a time.

Trying to make a very hard decision. What to eat?

Thanks cake. You were delicious!