A year of uncertainties.

Close eyes. Open eyes. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it's 2013.

Time FLIES. Like so fast, you blink and you miss it.

I still remember 2010 like it was 3 years ago. That year, a LOT of things happened to me. Past is past. What matters is the moment I'm living right now. Next week will be the start of my internship. Slowly trying to curb my nervousness but I'll survive I think. I made it! This is the final lap Teng. Huff and puff.

For the first half of 2013, I'm going to be having my internship. And then after that, NO IDEA what to move on to. Well, might as well stick to my philosophy in life, live one day at a time. No plans.

So, for the second half of 2013, I'm listing travelling and enjoying the moments on my list of things to do. Mum and Dad gonna have to FUND my lifestyle for a bit longer I think. :)

I'm so sorry.

Been wanting to do a post on this since last week, but wanted to take some time off to cool down. Don't wanna be too emotional with my post and then have to take it down later.

I'm probably the resident driver at home and usually the one driving around running errands. At times, especially when I'm still groggy being woken up after a nap, I tend to drive, uhm, emotionally? I suppose.

So, as the story goes, I was a few minutes into my nap, obviously tired as fuck. Then my mum came in and woke me up to send our helpers home. Busy week due to family event. For some reason, at that moment, I really felt I needed to say no to my mum's request. Told her, tiada orang lain ka yang buli ganti sa? Of course, her being my mum, I got ceramah free instead.

I got up, took the keys, eyes half opened, heart flaring with anger and started the engine. I was using my dad's car btw, which is a double cab.

To make matters worse for me (emotionally), mum made this guy follow me. So, I said some bad things. You know, things that usually jinx you back. I think he could sense that I was really uncomfortable and at the same time pissed off, so he just kept quiet.

I tend to drive unnecessarily fast when I'm mad, and this time was no exception, even thou I knew there were 3 people standing behind, on the truck.

Arrived at my kampung's intersection that led to the main road, and took a VERY sharp turn to the right. If you studied physics, you know that the laws of whateverblablabla...I flunked physics. Basically in my case, the 3 people standing in the back, was THROWN OUT onto the jalan raya. Partly due to my reckless driving and also the railings that they were holding on to, tercabut.

Took a U-turn, and OH MY GOD, nothing could express how I felt at that very moment. All I could think of was, did I kill someone? I am so fucked.

Parked the car, turned off the engine, got out of the car, walked towards them and the people that were already surrounding them, basically said sorry every chance I got. Everything seems woozy, I don't really remember much. I knew I was panicking. Then, ironically, the guy that I was so uncomfortable with, took over the whole situation. Thank God he was there. He took the keys from me, I got into the car, said sorry a couple more times, cried while doing so and called home.

We went to the hospital, and Thank God all their injuries were superficial ones. Not that it makes everything better. They would've never gotten those injuries had I been more careful with my driving. Fuck. I still tremble when I get flashbacks.

Everyone kept telling me it wasn't my fault. I knew it was. And I'm so freaking sorry. Still am, will probably be forever. So dear God, lesson learned. Never drive recklessly when you're angry or sad, or basically just emotional. Never.

I still get nightmares and at times when I'm alone, I get flashbacks and I feel so traumatized. Hopefully, that was the first and last experience I'd have.

Oh and the next day after that incident, another accident happened at the same location, but this time, it was much much worse and someone died. End of the year, musim tutup akaun.

Bucket List Number 2: Checked and Done!

Wohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I'm a bit late in posting this but better late than never is what I usually say when I procrastinate. keke

Had a hectic few weeks so didn't really have time to blog this but pheww. Boy have I had a busy time. Lemme just say this in advance, I will not be commenting on the hoolapalooza that happened at KKIA that caused our flights to be cancelled twice. Damn you maintenance man. Okay done.

On to the main event! FINALLY was able to go and watch Big Bang's live concert after hearing about rumors since 2010. Thank you oppa's for coming to town! Even thou I had to beg and cry, I knew I jusy had to go! No matter what. 

The concert was A.W.E.S.O.M.E. It was my first live concert so I didn't really know what to expect but hell I knew I had a great time. Some were busy documenting the whole concert with their iphones,ipads and tabs  but me? I came a loooong long way to enjoy and fully experience the concert. So for sure I wasn't going to waste my time holding up gadgets in the air hoping for a clear shot. All I knew to do was sing along to the songs and dance. Yes, we danced our hearts out! Longest workout I have ever had in my whole life.

Big Bang. What can I say. It was love at first sight when I was 15. Years later, I'm 21 and I still love them to bits. Watching and listening to them in person, they were perfect performers. They sang live and danced the whole 3 hours! I knew I had good taste in men. Ahemm I meant in boy bands. 

Safe to say, next time they're coming to town (THEY BETTER COME AGAIN!) I'll gladly buy the most expensive ticket. The guys at the front had the most fun, I think the price was worth it. Next time Teng, next time.

Oh and thank you Cissy and Mona! The trip would've never been as much fun as it was if weren't for you guys. And dem deliciously good looking Korean boys. Nyumss.

My forever bias in BigBang, T.O.P! even his side profile is

nyummmmeh. eh I meant H.O.T.

Updates on my bucket list.

So way back in 2010, made a list of things to do. I did MUET, which I'm so proud of. And also, I had on that list, to attend a live concert by BigBang. Pretty soon I'll be able to cross that off my list! Concert tickets have safely arrived via courier and my Uh-Mayzing Parents have bought my plane tickets. SOBS. I have the most amazing parents.EVER.

I know I know. Some say, apa laa gila KPOP. Please. I'm only this crazy for BigBang cause they were the first Korean band I laid my eyes on. This was when I was 15 years old. I'm loyal that way. I don't go all crazy eyes over other KPop bands. Visually they are most appealing, but music wise, I getting tired of listening to the same generic sounds. But not BigBang. Me lurf BigBang much much.

Safe to say, teenager me is so damn jealous of 21 year old me right now. Muehehe.

Beware, for I am going to be emotional in this post.

Cannot.Contain.Emotions.Much.Longer.

Family is really important for me. I mean, they're everything for me. I'm nothing without my family. Extended family, on the other hand, some we're better off without. But blood is blood. Can't change your relations.

Shit happens, and arguments often lead to people not talking to each other even though they live right next to each other. Which is fine by me, but still kinda hurts, even a teensy tiny bit. Still breaks my heart.

They say time heals all wounds. I've seen it happen time and time again. No pun intended cause this is a mighty serious post I'm making. Ahem. This wound? Maybe it'll heal, but it may take a very, very, very long time. I just hope some of us survives through this.

But, more than anything, I hope my parents will not be left wounded.

Oh no Jose.(the title got nothing to do with this post)

Time to clean off the dust covering this beloved blog of mine. So, a lot has happened in my life between the last post and this. Not that my life has a huge impact on the world. Never has, never will?

But anyways, I'm still gonna blog about whateverrr I want to. Comprende?

So, finally in my LAST semester. OHGODNO, did I just jinx that by saying(typing) it out loud? Please I hope not. NO more complications please. I just wanna graduate from this place quietly and get on with my life somewhere else.

Exam results just came out. I did fine, but what broke my heart was that I got B- for an English subject. Oh I could just see my pointers literally going down the drain. That's what you get for not studying the subject that you thought was going to be a walk in the park. Deserved that B- I guess.

Presently, I have this feeling of anxiousness and nervousness that I cannot explain myself. And I don't like it one bit. Maybe I'm just scared that I might not be able to score tickets for the premiere of Resident Evil Retribution tomorrow? Or is it because I don't wanna wake up early for class tomorrow?

Or am I feeling this way because a certain guy asked me to try something but ditched me without me knowing what I did wrong? He said let's try, so I'm trying, but he went MIA. Awesome guy. Maybe I should just stick with my Facebook crush guy whom I'm never going to meet in person. Practically a stranger to me except for the fact that we have 3 mutual friends. Well actually I'm in love with his tattoo. The fact that he's kinda cute doesn't hurt either. Dating my imaginary boyfriend it is then.

ANYWAYS, crazy talk aside, its September. The year is almost over and I'm closer to that vacation I've been counting down for since April. Oh Korea, thou shalt wait for thy to come, won't you?

Which reminds me. I had a list of things to do before I die thingy, and one of them was to go to a Big Bang concert at least once. Come this October, I get to cross that off my list! Cannot wait and plus maybe I'd get to meet my KL friends who I miss terribly. Fingers crossed!

Arghhhhhh. Something is still not right. My chest still feels stuffy. What is it?! Danggit maybe I should change my mantra from living life one day at a time to YOLO. Fuck it, I'm going YOLO. Adios amigos!

This ends tonight(?)

Okay. Chugged down a big ass glass of old town white coffee. Off for a quickie shower to refresh my dead brain cells and then English assignments, I'm gonna massacre you tonight!

I sincerely hope so. Amen.