someday somehow

i wanna be somebody someday.not just anybody,but somebody.

mood swings alert!

i just watched the time traveler's wife.totally cried.and yes,i'm not ashamed of that.it's a movie worth crying for.and..daanggggg..that eric bana is one smoking hot dude!sigh~

me and hot men ~ inseparable.i like!haha

watching love movies makes me wish i had my own love life.but just sometimes laa.
most of the time,i'm happy being single.for now,i can truly say i really am happy being alone.at the moment.

my sister just got her spm results.she called me.crying~

i'm guessing you know why she cried?yeah.it wasn't good.poor her.can't really blame her for that.but actually,i still think,if only she...hmm~nevermind laa.it's too late for all this talk now. what's done is done.no turning back.(if only i could time travel.haha)

her crying over the phone made me realize something.what if someday,i was in her shoes? argh.with my current situation,i really don't know if i'll be able to make my parents happy..and proud~i am seriously doubting myself.and my abilities.

please God..make me a journalist?a successful one?thats the least i can do.

i know.they probably wanted me to be a doctor,lawyer,engineer or at least even a teacher.they deny it,but i know.deep down,that's what they would've wanted me to be.

sorry mumy.sorry dady.i'm a useless daughter.i really am.

sometimes i wish i wasn't the first.if i were the 2nd daughter,i would've had someone to look up too.i would've known what to do and what not to.instead,i'm the one having to set up an example for my siblings.and i'm a very awfull role model for them.if only i had a choice.

maybe.i'm responsible for her failure?i think i'm somewhat,the one to blame.growing up,i was never a good sister to them.not even decent.regrets~it's too late now teng.the damage has been done.

maybe.she has something else planned for her,by God.maybe.i hardly say this,actually never, but i love them.and all i want for them is to be happy and successful with their lives.and not follow in my footsteps.don't.

sigh~
the useless one in the family.