Friday, April 30, 2010

IMY dude.

sometimes,being alone in my room makes me realise,i AM alone.
moments like this,makes me,emotional and suddenly missing alot of things.

like right now,

i miss - holding hands with you

i miss - laughing at jokes thats not even funny,but i laugh anyway cause the way you're trying to make me laugh is so cute.

i miss - having you to talk to when i can't share it with my girlfriends.

i miss - getting a warm hug,ensuring me not everything in this world sucks.

i miss - our relationship.however imperfect it was.

i miss - my mom and dad making you nervous:)

i miss - knowing that i have you,thinking of me.

i miss - the memories we made.the ones only we know.

i miss - your smile.


i miss you.i miss us.

eventhough its different now,eventhough i've moved on,there's nothing wrong in missing the happier moments right?

i would never regret meeting you,being with you and breaking up with's made me who i am today.and i thank you for that.

and we both know,you'll always have a special place in my heart.always dude.

years from now,when we're older,i hope we can look back and say "dude,we made a good looking couple".

again,i miss you dude.


Wednesday, April 28, 2010

blank page

i'm feeling really lost.

really really lost.

college seems like a joke to me,there's no point at all goin to that place.and like i mentioned earlier,the management is a joke.and not a funny one either.~

show me the way o' mighty me the freakin way.make the foggy road clear again.

mungkin ini cabaran.a bump in the road.but seriously,saya masih pakai lesen L ba God,belum lulus lagi lesen sekarang,i'm stuck in the middle of the road.not knowing what to do,how to get over this bump.

and yes.i am aware that most of my post nowadays are really emo-ish and filled with cursing.but i am only human.haha.the least i can do is curse rite.better then i go and simbah asid di muka orang2 yang berkenaan itu.

tulun-tulun irad diolo nopo nga, a koilo momonsoi karaja,ingga tanggungjawab.mau cakap ingga tutok,haro be da.nga better they sell that brain for scientist to experiment on. monusa hidup tulun nopo ngai.~

but i can feel my anger simmering down.after (this is embarassing to admit) i cried while talking with mumy over the phone,i feel so much better.not totally 100% okay,but better than i was before i told em every single thing.

so now,i'm waiting by the road side,hoping i'll be able to figure out a way to get over this bump.



Monday, April 26, 2010

go fcuk urself!


my patience has a limit.mess with me,and i'll give you shit!

what the fuck fucking fuck do you guys do everyday in that fucking office?lemme guess,play farmville all day long?then what the fuck are you even doing coming to work?better stay at home you!mother fucking shits!!!

yeaaah,when it comes to $$$$$$ its all sweet talking.but when it comes to our needs,we get treated like crap!what are we?trash?we pay you!!and when we're not able to,haaaaaH.

my dad keeps calling the office,and no one bothers to pick up the ONE,and i mean NO FREAKING ONE treats my parent that way.i'm sick of being nice all the time to all you two-faced two-timers who eats and breathes $$$$$$!!

seriously.seriously?yeah,seriously.freaking fuckers.

everything has a limit,and i'm waaay pass that limit.

one thing that really pisses me off,treat me like crap,i'll try my best to ignore you,but treat my PARENTS like crap,then o HELL no bitches!!thats like asking God to shorten your life!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

my gorgeous sister!

ain't she pretty?that's my sister shanty.
sabah is well known for having pesta kaamatan every year.the celebration actually starts long before 31st of may comes.any kaamatan will not be the same without Unduk Ngadau, a beauty pageant where the prettiest of them all is chosen as the Ratu.
this year,my sister joined.and as you can see from the pictures,she is gorgeous!thou she only got 3rd place and not the crown,but considering this is her first time joining this pageant,thats quite an achievement.and she'll be going to the district level Unduk Ngadau!so sad i won't be there in person to cheer her on..sobs~
try your best at district level sista!make me proud!!:)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

i'm trying

very hard to put on a :) face.

no wonder i wish i lived in movies (except zombie movies).my life...well i'm not gonna say sucks cuz there are things in my life that i really love like my family and friends,just that,i'm actually a very pessimistic person.i see the glass as half empty,and i would do anything to make sure it gets filled up to the top.

yeahs~i'm a negative thinker.but i'm actually trying very hard to be a positive thinker.but lets just say,optimism is not my forte.i would always assume the worst and predict failure even before i get started.for instance,my coming jpj test.i'm thinking and predicting that i'm somehow gonna mess the whole thing up and fail miserably.

but i'm trying to be least if i do fail,its not gonna be the end of the world,yet?i can try again.which i really don't want to since i really don't wanna have anything to do with the metro driving academy anymore!


and i think thats why i'm a movie junkie.and i day dream alot!most of the day i spend daydreaming.sad,i know.thats me.

naaa~who cares anyways.everyone just cares about themselves.

me included :)


Monday, April 19, 2010


went to college today.first day of the new semester and class was cancelled.yeah,great~

ergh.and not to mention.the management really sucks.i mean.i really really absolutely need my results in order to get my cheque from yayasan.but they keep postponing.i keep getting the same anwers over and over.fucking shit!!my patience has a limit.

i just.don't know what to tell my parents.really don't have any excuses left.

right future looks like a really foggy road,where you can't see anything even if you turn the hazard lights on.

breathe teng<-------resisting the urge to curse and rant some more.fuckkkkkkkk!!!(thats the last one,i hope)

but,how can i not be angry when,we asked for our time table,but their response was "saya x buat.malas.jahat kan saya"go eat sh*t laaaaa.i mean,if they were busy with their job,i don't mind waiting.but when i heard em say 'boleh beli kandang laa"..thats when i knew,what job?they're busy playing farmville on facebook!FACEBOOK!waargh.what kinda people are you??

i know i'm jeopardizing my self here by publicly condemning them.but i don't care!what?they're gonna sue me if they read this?kiss my ass laaa.i don't care.ergh.

gonna go to bed with this outta my head and mind and heart and whatever place i still have left in my body.

xoxo bitches!

monkey boy turns 10!

yeah~ that's monkey boy! can't believe he's all grown up.

gosh!i miss torturing his sorry little ass!haha. still,its 10 years already?

called home just now.well actually,i missed called,and then mumy called me back.hey,jimat credit maa~hehe.talked a bit with monkey thing i always ask him to do whenever i talk with him is to spell things.haha.he's doing better,thou sometimes he still asks mumy for help.he thinks just because he's whispering i can't hear him through the phone.haha!he's growing up so fast,sobs~

i miss the moments when he was still a baby.back then,he wasn't much of a nuisance.but the moment he was able to walk and talk,life as i knew it,changed forever.haha.we really don't go along well but ever since i came here,i started realising how boring life is without him and (gasp!) i miss him so bad!huhu~

well,happy birthday little brother!your big sister misses you soo much and i'll give you your present when i'm home,mmmuuuuaaah!

p/s:i doubt he'll be able to understand this.haha!

Friday, April 16, 2010

pak guard



just now,went out to get some food with syah.and then she said,lets go see some rich people's house.and i was like,yeah let's!so we went to puncak setiawangsa where all the people had a minimum 3 storey house (wtf!rite).one house even looked like a 5 star hotel on the english countryside (again,wtf!rite).swimming pools,expensive sports car,all were so overwhelming to see.and we were having a good time drooling over the houses.

that was until.......

the park guard from hell shouted at us.and trust me,he really was shouting!he was like, "WOOOOOI!"..then we reluctantly went to the guard house.syah did all the talking since that dude was speakin in the utara slang.he was like "who let you in?what are you doing here?" and then syah was like "jalan-jalan ambil angin je laa" and he said "jalan ni bapa hang punya ka". and then what really pissed me off was,he said "jalan-jalan pastu g merokok". we were like WTF that was..grrr!

i mean,come wasn't like we were there to break into any of the houses.stupid.since i was so angry after he made that smoking comment,i couldn't hear a thing he said afterwards.i heard his voice but nothing made sense cuz i was so hot inside.

blerkkkk~i know he was just doing his job.but there was no need to be that rude.dang.whatever happened to malaysian hospitality?bullshit i tell ya,bullshit!

phewwww..i bet,if we were driving a mercedes or ferrari instead of riding the motorcycle,he would've been all soft and nice with us.typical.huh~

hope you have a great life mr.pak guard!


Wednesday, April 14, 2010


wow.thank god i didn't choose small.medium is already this small.haha.
thank you for the awesome day guys!xoxo

before semester starts!

went to getting yesterday.wanted to enjoy watever moments we have left before the new semester starts.yeap~i have a feeling this sem is gonna be the hardest semester ever!

we'll be having single camera production (SCP), audio,mixing and dubbing 1, and scrriptwriting 2.gasp! SCP was the nightmare of our seniors.and i'm sure its gonna be hell for all of us soon.

anyways,back to my trip.(trying to feel positive here people) went to genting with syah and wan. just the three of us,but still had tons of fun. but,i'm promising to myself,when class starts,i won't let myself have too much fun. gotta concentrate on my priorities.STUDY comes first!

the rides were super fun!went on the solero,corkscrew and the flying coaster!and left with no harm done.really,it wasn't as terrifying as i thought it would be.

little did i know,when i stepped into the cute purple ribena cups (the ride that was meant for kiddos since it looks harmless (my ass)),,it was going to be the death of me. Got out of the ride barely walking straight and feeling dizzy like an elephant just kicked my head!and the rest of the day i spent trying to hold my stomach and not throw up.

but nonetheless,yesterday was fun and i had a blast hanging out with my's to kicking off the new sem with super renewed spirits!

picture's coming very soon!


Monday, April 12, 2010


okay..i need a moment to gather my thoughts.

i just finished watching a very disturbing,disgusting,gross,barfing, and what ever disgusted words there is, movie called FEED.

its about a serial killer who feeds his victims to death!yeap.he fills em up with junk food and also with fat he carved out from his previous victim.yes.he feeds his victim with fats from dead bodies. it was white and yukky and he added eggs to it.omaigawd.i've never watched a movie where i wanted to barf soo many times!

so there was this cop that tried to take him down,but instead in the end this cop got lost in the mind game that the killer has made,and he became just like the killer.but vice versa.he makes them guys google it.i just can't talk more about this was directed by Brett Leonard.

the most disgusting movie i have ever watched.should've stop after i saw the first,i am forever traumatized.staying away from junk food!!!!mark my words,i am so not eating those food again!!!

omaigawd.i am not the same person anymore.


Saturday, April 10, 2010

wants and needs

i'm so bored~

right now,i'm having a tough time deciding a life and death matter.

to order or not to order?

pizza hut or domino?

argh.wants and needs teng.remember!

ordering them will burn a seriously huge hole in your seriously tiny pocket.

so,i won't then!(sorry stomach,guess you'll have to settle with bread and chocolate milk then)

looking at the bright side,diet-wise,this is pizza,no fast food.good good!

but deep down,crying like hell broke loose.cravings are soo hard to curve,but i gotta try!i have too!!

lapar makanan sedap..T-T


why Bi why!


so currently watching Rain's (Bi) comeback on youtube.missed him but~

he looks so damn gay!

why Bi why! why did you agreed with your stylist to put on those fake lashes!!they made you look so gay!!

T.T ~ those chocolate abs are mighty fineeeeeeeeee,but ruined by some fake lashes!

crying my hearts out (not really but i'm allowed to be overly dramatic here right?) watching him!he still has those slick dance moves that made me go gaga for him years ago.but i still can't get over those lashes!!

but no matter-i will always have a special place for you in my heart Bi.forever!!


Thursday, April 8, 2010

God loves him more.

this morning,i woke up to the sound of my phone was my mum.

it felt odd.its a friday.and she never calls this early on a weekday since she has to go to if she knew the oddness that i felt,she said in a teary voice "uncle ito suda meninggal".that sure did woke me up.i was shocked.he suffered a stroke,the same damn thing that killed my beloved uncle pius 3 years ago.(has it really been 3 years?felt like it was last year,and i never really got over the fact that he passed away,still feels like he's away on a super long vacation..~)

he was a man of wisdom.many things were referred to him,many family problems was solved thanks to him.and now,he is no in peace uncle.

the death of someone we know,always reminds us that we are still alive,perhaps for some purpose which we ought to re-examine.

yeah.another reason for all of us to cherish the moment while we still can.

rest in peace uncle ito.
our aramaiti's won't be the same without least,now uncle pius has a friend to talk with.



meaning~wolf's been a long time since i last became obsessed with a tagalog teleseries.and the long wait was worth it.she wolf!

i know it sounds funny and cheezy at the same time but trust me,you won't be laughing when you see the hotness and gorgeousness in the form of PIOLO PASCUAL!i mean,dang! he is smoking hot.haha.

and cutie pie,philipines brightest jewel ANGEL LOCSIN stars opposite piolo in this one.she is so pretty,it really is unfair to all of us normal looking girl (me especially).

anyways,piolo is so perfect,i'm scared to even say this,but please don't be gay!us girls need you more than the gayfrends out there!we need men like you to be straight piolo!this is a matter of life and death!(okay fine,i'm exaggerating a bit here)

but yeah,perfect looking guys are either taken or gay.what a sad life we live in huh.but piolo is a single dad,but so is ricky martin.dang.please have a girlfriend hottie,it'll give us hope that at least your not gay eventhough that girlfriend is not me.<----don't mind me.i always say things that doesn't make sense when it comes to hot men.and piolo is smokin!,currently obsessed with lobo.thank you Lord for the invention of youtube!!

just needed to get this off my chest.phew..i can breathe easy and stop shaking now.haha.

enteng pascual.
(wah!!!!sesuai!since enteng is also a filipino name,muahahaha!)

Monday, April 5, 2010

life just isn't fair


when i see multi-talented people (my latest obsession is youtube) i feel so..sick.

sick with jealousy that is.haha.

it hurts to be us (the non-talented,normal people) especially knowing that our whole life, we're gonna be looking at these wonderfully gifted people from the audience seat.sobs~

hey, i'm being very tipical here.well, i AM human.a normal one.jealousy is inevitable when your human,and talentless,and so much more.haha.

o well..if everyone was multi-talented,then who will be left to be the audience that needs to be entertained huh?i guess,thats my talent then.haha.sobs~

xoxo peeps,

p/s:untalented people unite!we should have our own fan club.haha.sobs~

Sunday, April 4, 2010


like huh?~

it's funny when someone waaay older than you act so very childish.funny AND annoying.

you're about to be married,and you have a job thats respected by society,and yet the way you display your self (on facebook of course) makes you look equivalent to a high schooler who's battling hormones.

i'm sorry.i may not know you personally (facebook makes me feel like i know everyone these days) but from my point of view,the way you act is very childish.omaigawd.haha.

just had to get these off my chest.


i love HIM more.

He loved and died
when He was being beaten and spat upon
when His flesh was being torn by the whip
when His back was scourged
then He saw me being baptized
and so He permitted them to do so.
when the crown was crushed into His head
when He tasted His own blood
when the thorns pierced His flesh
then He saw me praying
and so He killed them not.
when His cross was so heavy that He fell
when He carried wood on His torn flesh
when He wished simply to move no more
then He saw me in confession
and so He got up and walked on.
when His hands were being pierced
when He hung from a cross
when His side was bleeding
then He said I love YOU
and so He died.
dear Jesus,xoxo!

Saturday, April 3, 2010


the thing is, i don't know how to stop.
i know i always end up getting hurt.
but i don't care,no,not anymore.
cause i'm strong baby!
so keep the critics coming in.
cause what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.
hell yeah.

Thursday, April 1, 2010


fun and fun fun with cousin metot.sorry there's not much to show,we didn't take as many pictures as we wanted cuz we weren't in the mood for picca time.haha:)

lovely days

yeah,totally had an awesomely lovely day yesterday with cousin metot.

we went bowling and each game was rm5 only!if only i had my student id with me,then it would've been only rm3.50!dang,not my luck maybe.but still,it was fun!

had lunch at kenny roger's.nyumm.officially my favourite restaurant for the time being.i was full for the rest of the day!and those vannila home made muffins are to die for!

after that,we went window shopping.well,i did,she went shopping for real.haha.all i could do was watch.but yeah,i've done enough shopping.keperluan dan kehendak teng,remember that!

and then laura called.she wanted to pick some pictures up at wangsa maju and i thought, what the heck,a chance to show cousin metot my journey going back to intan.and so we went and met up with laura at kL sentral.rainy, wet and sticky!!hate that.

so,we got the pictures.btw it was her graduation pics with her boyfie, sweet!and then we got back to sentral and said our goodbyes and hugged out.jumpa di kampung!

so metot and i went back home to gondut' was a long,tiring but fun comin soon.