sad times

*sobs*

yeah,totally sad.these are the last few days i'm gonna spend here at intan.next week,buhbye~

dang.gonna miss my hoomies and my roomie so much after this!no more late night gossiping,complaining,outing,movies,bowling and such.huhu!

so,i'm spending as much time as i can here,for now.gonna miss this home.its really been treating me well this past few months.and i still can't believe that i really am moving out soon.

gonna miss our apple-scented room.our dysfunctional aircond.our newly installed astro.<--we just met!sobs~

but no matter what,i'm never gonna forget the amazing friends i've met during my stay here.you guys made my life more colorful with your presence!

thanks for the wonderful memories and someday i hope we all will get what we wanted to achieve together,successful careers!

this is it for now,or else i'm gonna cry.

fill em up!

gaaaaah~

excited.nervous.scared.sad.and a whole lotta feelings.

got my registration form for taylor's already.all i have to do now is fill in the blanks,pay the fee and voila,i'm a taylorian.*breathe*

this feels like its going on so fast.i have to decide when i'm gonna break the news to my roomate.and then move out of the house.which means,another dreaded packing is coming soon.sigh~

and geeeeeeeeez!when i saw the students just now,i was like,WHAT.THE.HELL.most of the students went to class in BMW's.either they were sent by their chauffer,or they drove it themselves.i know~wtf.and don't even get me started on the way they dress.don't.

argh.

now that its coming true,i'm starting to feel scared.but i guess,just gotta endure it.on my own cause i asked for this.i made this decision.and i'm making it happen.

deep, deep breathes teng.deep.

C.N.Blue

just wanted to share my latest loves.

totally am hearting these guys.i mean,who wouldn't fall for guys that sings,plays the guitar and drums?i would!anytime~hee

wheeew.

so,i went to taylor's.

i was half expecting it would be closed on a saturday,and half hoping that it would be open.and yeah,it was closed.

so i'm going this tuesday la with meme.thank God for my young 'parents' here.haha.

and lemme tell ya people,it was HUGE.as in huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge!the campus has its own LAKE for God sake.omaigawd.already i'm excited about the possibility of me going there.

wait~i AM going there.i'm gonna make it happen!yeah!owh and ASH!you reminding me of my dreams about going to Australia,adui!i'm dreaming already,padahal not yet register pun at taylor's,haha.

wheeeee.but i still have a lot of loose ends to tie up back at miim.dang~thou i love taylor's,i'm really gonna miss my miim friends.they're awesome to hang out with.huhu.

and intan apartment.gonna miss my housemates especially my roomie,nad!gonna miss you lots babe.T-T

soi soi~don't jinx anything thats not confirmed yet ba teng!

okay,this is it for now.gonna post more updates later.

xoxo,
enteng.

updates

okay okay moon.your wish is my command ;)

haha.imagine that.people wanting me to update my blog.awww shucks*sobs*

well,,yeah.i have been out of my mind lately.assignments and such.(i'm gonna leave soon but still am doing the assignments,don't i rawk?)

so,tomorrow i'm goin to taylor's university college.i'm hoping they would be open on a saturday.*fingers crossed*cause i just can't wait to get this over with.i wanna confirm everything and then be able to breathe easy.

deep breath teng,deep breath.

owhmaigawd.suddenly feeling nervous.

owh and,i'm in the midst of getting my twilight saga mojo back.been keepin busy with pictures of robsten together.i just love these two people together.amazing!

youtube,be good now why don't cha?

so this is it for now.will absolutely post more updates later on.

p/s:i dedicate this post to moon,thanks for being my loyal reader!love ya lots,muahmuahmuah!

xoxo,
enteng.

bad blood

thats what i'd call family members who rejoice in seeing other family members suffer. cause no matter how much i want them not to be,they are still family.blood family.and that sucks.

its really a pain in my cute ass, seeing and hearing how much suffering they've given to my family.although i'm faraway from home,doesn't mean i'm not feeling the hate given to my family by our own family.

thank God for my mumy's side of the family.we'll never be hurt by them.and i would bet my heart for that.they would never.unlike the other side of my family.

the side that we-shall-not-speak-of-their-name.

we can count on them always being there for happy times.that i can give you.but a hint of trouble in paradise,and they'll be gone faster than you can say adios.

i hate hating on my own family.no matter what,lets face it,they're my blood.but a human can only take that much.make me reach my limit,then buhbye.

all because of one slutty bitch.no,make that,one slutty brainless jealous bitch.sorry,but yeah,you're a big time bitch.i feel sorry for my mumy for feeling sorry for you all those time.for helping you out when in the end,you're the one stabbing her back.

you ungrateful bitch. :)

i've been planning revenge over and over in my head,thinking of how i would make them pay for what they did.it's been commencing in my head.haha~but lets face it,if i get my revenge,i'll be just the same as they are.and i won't let myself fall to their standards.its a very very low standard.

and my parents,my siblings and i are better than that.we won't stoop low like they did.

so,we forgive but we won't forget.ever.

end of story.

you are so cool

:)

NOT.

found one blog.in a way it is super cool.but in another way it is too much of a show off.or maybe i'm just jealous.naa~

annoying.yes,thats the word.you are not cool.just annoying.

owh yaa:-

Don't mess with me when Aunty Flow is in town.but anyways,enjoy the roller coaster ride i call, my moodswings.

is that....?

no,it's not the light i see.

i'm still in darkness.total utter darkness.but at least i'm making an effort to walk.one slow step at a time.yeah.

thank you God.

for making me able to hold on this long.for giving me such great parents who want nothing but me to be happy.amazing friends who always have my back.i can't thank You enough.

i still can't see where my road will lead me to,but i have a feeling,soon.

i wanna type on that smiley face now,

:)

xoxo,
enteng.

Lost

i really am.

dear God,is this really a test for me?cause if it is,i have a feeling i'm gonna fail terribly.i really don't know how i'm gonna get through this.i really don't.

college

is a never-ending nightmare.and its getting worse.please.i've wasted a year and a half.don't make it not worth anything.the times i've spent there.please don't do this to us.please.

i'm feeling the urge to cry a lot these days.especially after what mumy told me and asked me to do.i feel,i'm a huge dissapointment and a huge failure to them.my parents.

tell me what to do cause i really don't have a clue.none at all.yeah,i've got my license already but i still don't know where to drive to,besides,the road is getting foggier.

(its no time for jokes,but i just can't help it)and yeah,i passed my 2nd JPJ test.i wanna type on the smiley face but i'm just not in the mood to smile these days.

i.just.can't.take.this.test.

but God,gimme the strengh i need.gimme the will and faith.gimme the power to succeed.

i need a good long cry.but i'm soo tired i can't even sob.really really lost.this bump in the road has suddenly become a huge hill that seems impossible to overtake.

show me some signs.shed me some light.i'm walking like a blind person here God.and i'm sorry all i can do is complain.You must be tired of hearing me whine.

i'll try to do everything in my power.i'll do whatever i can.that i will.

and mumy,happy mother's day.

someday,i will make you proud.
someday,i will succeed.
someday,all this would be a thing of the past.

someday.....not now for sure.

xoxo,
enteng.

mellow me

aaaaaaaah~

after a few days (and a few posts) of being an angry teenage soul,since i've let it all out from my system,i'm back to being mellow me.

soft,sensitive,sentimental,kind-hearted (ok,i'm exaggerating here) in other words,jiwang me is back.and with the jiwangness,comes jiwang posts.haha~

its already the month of may.my bestfriend cissy will be celebrating her 20th birthday soon. you'll be leaving the teenage world soon besty!wish i was there to celebrate with her.

since most of my friends and the people that i know are going back home to sabah for their holidays,i'm feeling kinda left out here.i am missing home terribly.this past few days i've been having dreams about my beloved family.

one dream i had was about little monkey.i was so scared that he was growing up and i'm not there to witness it.i miss him!

another one was about my aki purutan.in that dream,he was able to walk and talk again.(he's paralyzed and unable to talk anymore btw).he was asking me to make him coffee like he used to do when he was still able to walk and talk.gosh~i'm tearing up just thinking bout him.

it used to be me taking care of him before i came here.so i kinda had this special bond with him. i'm the type of girl that rarely show the crying me in public.but when i was leaving for KL,i couldn't care less.i was bawling my hearts out while saying goodbye to my grandparents.both sets.

i guess,i'm one of the few lucky ones that still has both sets of grandparents alive.

all four of them have a special place in my heart.i could never say no to their wishes.argh. i miss them.i miss having breakfast with ama purutan.going to the tamu with nene lintuhun. having coffee with aki lintuhun and making coffee for aki purutan.

i guess i'm homesick.

and i have no idea when i'll be able to go home.not anytime soon for sure.

Lord,take good care of my family will you?i love them.

xoxo,
enteng